Great starts are easy, the goal is to finish well
My third-grade teacher loved her job. She also lives a life that continually defines the word hope. How do I know? Well, 60 years later, I have the honor of interviewing her for a Silver Stars post. During the course of our visit, one word kept coming up that she both used and described – hope. It is the key theme of her life.
While having a lovely chat with a friend of mine, I learned that she had recently embarked on a caregiving journey. I wanted to give her a word of encouragement or comfort and some helpful tips and ideas.
My heart broke with the knowledge of what would likely be a long journey ahead of her. It is no easy task.
I’ve always had an interest in gardening. It’s a love I inherited from my Mama. Her favorite flowers were irises and roses. As far back as I can remember, Mama always enjoyed growing things. One time, she ordered 27 dwarf fruit trees to plant in our backyard. Even though we lived in a neighborhood, the trees were very small, and our backyard accommodated them nicely. It did take us several days to get them all planted. As it turned out, a few years after the great tree planting took place, my parents bought some property in the country, and yup, all the trees needed digging back up and replanting at their new home. I wasn’t involved in that second tree planting. I was married by then and living in Washington State, as my husband was in the Army.
There is a growing amount of evidence that music is able to reduce anxiety and revive fading memories hidden deep inside your loved one’s brain. But suppose neither you nor your loved one was ever really a music person? Is it possible to activate those memories by other means?
Even though singing is a wonderful trigger for awakening memories that are hard to rouse, other activities that hold significance to your loved one can also stir up dormant memories.
Smiles speak a language that is almost universally understood. Smiles are one of the enduring forms of communication with someone who has dementia. When you smile, very good things happen. Smiles, especially combined with eye contact, convey kindness to the one you are smiling at. Even though Mama had a touch of glaucoma, she could still see faces. One of the best aspects of smiles is that they are contagious! When you see a smile, it is almost an automatic response to smile back.
tually, it was two letters inside one envelope. One was written to Uncle Wayne, and the other to Aunt Yaya. She had written to say how much fun she had spending time with us and wanted us to come back soon for another visit. Even though over the past year, we have received our share of mail – mostly bills and junk, some letters, I must say that hers was one of the highlights.
I am excited about this month’s post. I had the wonderful opportunity to learn the story of a dear friend, Arlene Winslow. We met many years ago when she opened her home to a bunch of writers to gather, exchange ideas, and encourage one another.
At that time, Arlene was writing her memoirs based on letters sent back and forth between her and family members while living in Quito, Ecuador. We became close and remained good friends even after I moved across the country to be near grandchildren.
As I became acquainted with Arlene’s stories about her time living in Puerto Rico and Ecuador, along with her incredible artistic talents, I realized that her story needed to be shared. Sit back, relax, and meet my good friend and ‘Silver Star’, Arlene Winslow.
While having lunch and visiting with our friends at one of the senior centers we regularly attend, old Motown songs played in the background. I found myself singing along with Stevie Wonder’s hit from 1984, “I Just Called to Say I Love You”. It reminded me of the importance of connecting with our loved ones. As Valentine’s Day approaches, this song, with its simple message, serves as a lovely reminder to make contact with those we love, especially those living alone or in nursing homes.
How do you connect with someone who is losing their ability to communicate? If you want to make positive connections with your loved one, understand there are definite Rules of Engagement. It turns out there is a bit of a learning curve when engaging someone with dementia.
I’ve addressed this subject before, but I believe it bears reiterating. When someone becomes non-verbal due to the progression of dementia, it doesn’t mean that they cannot understand our words, or ‘get’ our actions.
It’s important to remember that communication and connections made on an emotional level will remain throughout the dementia journey.
Do you remember the old theme song from the TV show, Cheers written by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart-Angelo? “…sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came. You want to be where you can see, troubles are all the same, you want to be where everybody knows your name.” The writers really hit on something – as the song immediately became an iconic sentiment for the universal desire to belong. There is something so wonderful about walking into a place and watching someone’s eyes light up with recognition and joy that you are there. On the other hand, there is something quite heart-wrenching about walking through your day virtually invisible and un-greeted by those around you.