One day, while Mama lived with us due to dementia, I looked out the window and, to my surprise, saw her outside visiting with the mailman. I was surprised for two reasons : Firstly, the door was always kept locked, and secondly, Mama’s visiting skills and her ability to string together coherent words were diminishing at a rather alarming rate.
I had been under the (apparently mistaken) assumption that she no longer knew how to unlock a door. It turned out that if you asked her to unlock the door, she couldn’t comply with your request or tell you how. But her fingers had enough muscle memory enabling her to do what she had been doing all her life: see a door, unlock it, and go out.
Wandering could end in disaster
When I went outside to see if Mama wanted to come back in, the mailman smiled at her, then gave me a puzzled look. We had a quick, cryptic conversation about Mama’s condition. He told me he could tell she was struggling with her conversation skills and was visiting with her, hoping someone would come outside and take her back inside where she would be safe. It had only been a few minutes, but it could have been a disaster.
I told my husband, Wayne, and he immediately went to the big box store to buy and install an extra lock for the top of the door. Mama didn’t have any muscle memory for looking up to see a lock, so it was way more effective.
Why do folks wander?
Mama’s incident could be filed under Wandering. Why do folks with Alzheimer’s or any dementia wander? I believe there are many different reasons.
Today’s Caregiver published an article that offers a bit of insight into possible reasons why someone might wander: “Why Do People With Alzheimer’s Wander?”
The author suggests three possible reasons:
- The biggest reason never stated for people with dementia wandering is that this is the way they can self-medicate their anxiety and sense of displacement;
- That feeling of displacement drives them to walk out of the front door and right down the road, going forward endlessly. It is a feeling that instigates walking, and it is dementia that keeps it going. Once people have begun walking, they tend to be unlikely to ask for help or directions, and they also tend to go straight ahead.
- Boredom and restlessness also drive people out their front doors to find presumably some kind of variety.
Wandering reasons are unique to each person
As with any disease, as the saying goes, “if you’ve met one person with dementia, you’ve met one person with dementia”.
Mama, I believe, had a different reason for being outside that day. She simply saw someone in front of the house and wanted to visit. She was very social. She visited with people everywhere we went. Usually, folks were kind and let her talk, but after a few minutes would excuse themselves and move on. Mama wouldn’t mind; after a moment, something else would have already captured her attention.
Wandering may be an expression of Sundowning
Occasionally, Mama would have sundowning episodes where she would get upset at either Wayne or me, and would say, “I want to go home!” and head for the door. She was surprisingly quick. That’s when we would spring into action and offer her a distraction such as a snack, drink, or one of her favorite activities.
Wandering can present challenges
A friend of mine had a different experience when caring for her father. He had a great need to be outdoors. Turned out that her dad was also an expert escape artist. He was quite nimble and could climb out windows and scale fences. It was a very distressing time for her. Once she realized she couldn’t keep him at home, she began looking for a more safe and secure assisted living arrangement. He managed to escape from every care home and Alzheimer’s unit she found for him. Occasionally, he even became combative if he couldn’t figure out how to get outside. She finally found a place where caregivers were trained to handle his situation.
Try Ice Cream
Alex, another friend of mine, told me how he was able to help his dad adjust to a care home, where he could visit his dad after work each day. For the longest time, after he settled his dad into a nice place close to where he lived and worked, during every visit his dad would lament and say he wanted to go home. It was tearing him up that his dad could no longer live by himself but didn’t want to live with Alex.
One day, Alex hit on a solution. When his dad was a young man, he won an ice cream eating contest. Eureka! During the next visit, when Dad said he wanted to go home, Alex said, “Sure!”. He put him in the car and drove to an ice cream shop. He asked his dad if he’d like to stop and get some ice cream before going home, and his dad was all for it. They got their ice cream and found a table where they could sit and visit. Alex reminded his dad about the time he had won the ice cream eating contest. His dad’s eyes lit up, and they reminisced and enjoyed the ice cream. When they were done, Alex drove him back to the care home. When they pulled into the driveway, his dad remarked, “It sure is good to be home”.
Ideas to mitigate potential wandering
If your loved one lives with you, here are a few things you can do to help mitigate a potential wandering crisis.
KRGV.com interviewed a social worker who offered a few tips,
- Let their neighbors know about the situation
- Have loved ones wear bright clothing in case they wander off
- Post “do not exit” signs at the front door
- Have them wear medical bracelets with personal information or a GPS tracker
- Get a doorbell camera
To that list, I would add: Install a lock near the top of the door as well as hanging bells to jingle every time the door is opened or closed.
Who might wander?
The Alzheimer’s Association asks the question, “Who’s at risk for wandering?” And the answer is, ‘Everyone living with Alzheimer’s or other dementia is at risk for wandering. They offer tips and insights on how to reduce the risk. It includes anticipating and preparing in advance.
There are no guarantees that you can reduce every risk, but being prepared is a good place to begin.
These are just a few things my friends and I have learned on our journey to care for our loved ones with dementia. If you have any ideas to add to this list of suggestions and tips, please feel free to share in the comments.
Has your world been touched by dementia?
My book, “Finishing Well: Finding the Joy in Dementia“, is a collection of stories and tips about doing life with my Mama. May it encourage and inspire you to find joy on your own, unique journey.