Great starts are easy, the goal is to finish well
“Who are you?” No, that is not the person with dementia asking. If your loved one moves to a Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF) or Care Home, their past may be virtually a blank slate. Perhaps this question comes from a compassionate CNA or other health care worker, or even one of the other various persons who are now engaging in your loved one’s life.
Five years ago when we first moved to Charlotte, we had to make so many changes – way more than simply our zip code. The list included new driver’s licenses, doctors, dentists, registering to vote, where to shop, and how to get to all these places. Over time, we have come to learn about our new city and can (usually) find wherever it is we need to go. Occasionally, we still rely on our phone apps to get us there.
Wayne and I recently met with a group of ladies who want to write a book. We were invited to attend the gathering by Venitra White-Dean, a lovely lady and founder of The Frankie Mae Foundation, a non-profit organization advocating for the caregiver as a whole person.
Each one attending realized they had a story to tell about their experience with caregiving. While everyone’s story shared similar elements, each was also unique. Their motto was, “We’re all singing the same song – just different verses.”
After caring for Mama throughout the last decade or so of her life while dementia relentlessly stole bits and pieces from both her abilities and memories, I am more committed than ever to do everything I can to strengthen my brain and hopefully prevent dementia from occurring in my own life. Of course, at the same time, I realize that there is an element of illness that is beyond anyone’s control. Regardless, I enjoy the healthy lifestyle that Wayne and I are pursuing and will continue it for as long as possible.
Mama’s blank expression assured me that she had no idea what I wanted her to do. The bunch of wisteria blossoms droop limply in her hand. I tried it again. Making an exaggerated motion of sniffing the flowers, I told her how lovely they smelled She gave me a confused look and a polite smile as she handed them back to me. I gave up. Temporarily! I desperately wanted her to enjoy the fragrant wisteria as she had in the past. Dementia stole that joy from her as well.
One of the saddest aspects of my Mama’s dementia was the realization that she had lost her sense of smell.
The most famous song to be sung at midnight on December 31 must be “Auld Lang Syne”, by the Scottish poet Robert Burns. I wondered how a Scottish poem became a New Year’s Eve tradition in America.
The New Year’s Eve festivities taking place in New York City’s Times Square were televised for the first time in 1943. Guy Lombardo’s dance band was performing live while the TV viewers waited for midnight. Lombardo decided to close out his New Year’s Eve performances with the song “Auld Lang Syne”.
The audience loved it. He made the song a New Year’s tradition. This yearly television exposure encouraged Americans to adopt as their own, the custom of singing “Auld Lang Syne” to bid farewell to the old year.
I have never been much of a nap-taker. Even when I am feeling sleepy, if I lay down and try to nap, daytime sleep evades. Interestingly enough, I usually do not have any trouble falling asleep at night. My occasional bouts of insomnia are usually due to a book that I find too interesting to put down.
It may be a genetic thing. My sister is also not a nap-taker, and my daughter never willingly took a nap when she was little. My husband easily takes naps, and I must confess that I am a bit envious of his napping ability.
We are now in the midst of Fall – it’s my favorite season of the year. According to the Old Farmer’s Almanac, Fall, also known as the autumn equinox, officially arrived here in the Northern Hemisphere at 3:20 P.M. (EDT), Wednesday, September 22, 2021.
One of my favorite features of Fall is the cooling temperatures. At first, it is subtle – one-day cooler, the next day hot. Right along with the changing temps, the humidity levels begin to drop slowly as well. Humidity has been one of my biggest challenges to adjusting to our new home here in the east, but air-conditioning helps me acclimate significantly.
When our oldest granddaughter was around two years old, her favorites things were strawberries, swinging, and ‘dance-dance-2’. The dance program was a video game that included a dance pad. The idea was to watch the TV screen and place your feet where the animated characters placed theirs. Some friends of mine and I discovered it when volunteering at our church’s youth group. Watching the kids play the game, we saw how much fun it was, and what a great form of exercise it offered.
As I sit down to write, I look out the window and notice how gray the day seems to be. The skies are gray and a bit misty as the rain drizzles down. The birds are not active – most of them have taken shelter in trees. I can spot the red feathers of cardinals peeking out under leaves – decorating the large beach tree in our back yard. Today’s weather mirrors the topic I am planning to write about. Grief.