Great starts are easy, the goal is to finish well
While having a lovely chat with a friend of mine, I learned that she had recently embarked on a caregiving journey. I wanted to give her a word of encouragement or comfort and some helpful tips and ideas.
My heart broke with the knowledge of what would likely be a long journey ahead of her. It is no easy task.
Cooking is not my superpower. Thankfully, Wayne loves to cook. When we were first married (52 years ago), I cooked, baked, and even canned. There is even a family joke that goes: “One day, one of our children came home just in time to eat dinner. I asked, ” Are you ready to eat?” The cautious look on his face prompted another child to say, “It’s okay, Dad’s cooking”. We refer to my season of domestic adventure as Wayne’s first wife.
I’ve always had an interest in gardening. It’s a love I inherited from my Mama. Her favorite flowers were irises and roses. As far back as I can remember, Mama always enjoyed growing things. One time, she ordered 27 dwarf fruit trees to plant in our backyard. Even though we lived in a neighborhood, the trees were very small, and our backyard accommodated them nicely. It did take us several days to get them all planted. As it turned out, a few years after the great tree planting took place, my parents bought some property in the country, and yup, all the trees needed digging back up and replanting at their new home. I wasn’t involved in that second tree planting. I was married by then and living in Washington State, as my husband was in the Army.
There is a growing amount of evidence that music is able to reduce anxiety and revive fading memories hidden deep inside your loved one’s brain. But suppose neither you nor your loved one was ever really a music person? Is it possible to activate those memories by other means?
Even though singing is a wonderful trigger for awakening memories that are hard to rouse, other activities that hold significance to your loved one can also stir up dormant memories.
When the clock strikes midnight on New Year’s Eve, you will likely hear the song “Auld Lang Syne”.
According to my friend ‘AI’, “Auld Lang Syne” is a Scots phrase meaning “old long since,” or more idiomatically, “for old times’ sake,” or “times gone by,” a nostalgic reflection on cherished friendships and shared past experiences, famously penned by Robert Burns for New Year’s Eve to remember old acquaintances and shared joys.
Dictionary.com adds: The first lyrics, “Should auld acquaintance be forgot / And never brought to mind?” is a rhetorical question of whether you should forget about your old friends (which is not recommended). It goes on to talk about reminiscing “for auld lang syne” or for fond memories of old times.
While my Daddy was still alive, my parents lived in a little cottage on several acres in the country. They loved living independently, but over time they began to need more and more help in order to remain ‘independent’. My sister, husband, and I made multiple trips daily out to their place to bring meals, dispense medicine, clean, and even a few fun things, which included singing, snacking, and reminiscing.
My sister and I recently had a lovely chat about music and its important role in the lives of people with dementia. She told me about the amazing story of Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga.
Tony Bennett was first diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2016. By then, Lady Gaga had become Tony’s devoted protégé. Even after his diagnosis, they were still singing together. In 2021, they performed two sold-out concerts “One Last Time: An Evening With Tony Bennett and Lady Gaga.” The limiting and muting effects of Alzheimer’s seemed to disappear while he was singing.
I got my love for reading from my Mama. She was an avid reader. Her love of a good mystery influenced my own reading habits. I read all her Agatha Christie and Rex Stout paperbacks, and she borrowed all my alphabet and cat mysteries. We also shared a love for Erle Stanley Gardner’s Perry Mason.
When it comes to reading, this is a great time of the year. The holiday season is over, and the weather keeps us inside more. These factors give us the perfect excuse to enjoy more guilt-free periods of curling up with a new or favorite book.
One day, when my doctor called to give me the results of a blood test, I was quite surprised to hear that my creatinine level was up. Since she knew I had been on a trip to an area with a hot and dry climate, she suggested that I could be dehydrated. I certainly didn’t feel dehydrated, but I agreed to up my water intake for two weeks and then retest. Two weeks later, she called to inform me that the creatinine level was back to normal. I was surprised at how quickly dehydration had occurred. She explained that whenever we change our routine because of travel or sickness, the healthy habits we built into our daily lives are disrupted and our systems can get out of balance.
Even though this is supposed to be “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, when you are a caregiver for a loved one with dementia, celebrating Christmas can become challenging.
When my Mama, who had dementia for well over a decade was in the early stages of the disease, she was still aware of seasons and most holidays. As time went on, she became less so. Dementia stole her ability to look forward to Christmas, birthdays, or any other previously meaningful day or time of the year. The pages turned on the calendar, but her days remained the same.