Great starts are easy, the goal is to finish well
While having a lovely chat with a friend of mine, I learned that she had recently embarked on a caregiving journey. I wanted to give her a word of encouragement or comfort and some helpful tips and ideas.
My heart broke with the knowledge of what would likely be a long journey ahead of her. It is no easy task.
giving challenges when caring for Mama was her diet. She was generally easy-going and would be willing to eat whatever was placed in front of her. The challenge was in her ability to eat the food. In the early stages of dementia, she had no difficulty handling a spoon or fork. Over time, however, Mama came to prefer her fingers for transporting food to her mouth. We would try to gently encourage her to use a fork or spoon by handing one to her. Sometimes that worked.
Caregiving for someone with dementia is neither easy nor for the faint of heart. It is certainly not a laughing matter – it’s a serious responsibility filled with many decisions and little sleep. It was almost 20 years ago when it was determined that my Mama had dementia. Back then, there were very few resources or books that offered advice about how to do day-to-day care. After our Daddy passed away, my sister, husband, and I realized we had to figure out how to navigate this journey with very few signposts along the way.
Our caregiving journey began when Mama was in the early stages of dementia. My dad was still alive at that time, although he had his own struggles with Parkinson’s disease. Our parents lived in a little cottage in the country. Wayne and I, and my sister, Peggy took care of everything required to care for parents whose abilities were diminishing.
One day, when my doctor called to give me the results of a blood test, I was quite surprised to hear that my creatinine level was up. Since she knew I had been on a trip to an area with a hot and dry climate, she suggested that I could be dehydrated. I certainly didn’t feel dehydrated, but I agreed to up my water intake for two weeks and then retest. Two weeks later, she called to inform me that the creatinine level was back to normal. I was surprised at how quickly dehydration had occurred. She explained that whenever we change our routine because of travel or sickness, the healthy habits we built into our daily lives are disrupted and our systems can get out of balance.
Even though this is supposed to be “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year”, when you are a caregiver for a loved one with dementia, celebrating Christmas can become challenging.
When my Mama, who had dementia for well over a decade was in the early stages of the disease, she was still aware of seasons and most holidays. As time went on, she became less so. Dementia stole her ability to look forward to Christmas, birthdays, or any other previously meaningful day or time of the year. The pages turned on the calendar, but her days remained the same.
“Who are you?” No, that is not the person with dementia asking. If your loved one moves to a Skilled Nursing Facility (SNF) or Care Home, their past may be virtually a blank slate. Perhaps this question comes from a compassionate CNA or other health care worker, or even one of the other various persons who are now engaging in your loved one’s life.
What does a small city in northern California have in common with several Mediterranean countries? Olives! More specifically, olive oil.
Having lived in an olive-growing region most of our lives has allowed us to develop a certain fondness for high-quality olive oil.
Not too long ago, Wayne and I went out for a bite of lunch. We were enjoying ourselves. The food was good and there was pleasant music playing in the background. At one point, we noticed a family near us. It was a middle-aged couple and an older lady we assumed to be their Mama. She reminded me a bit of my Mama. She seemed to be having a delightful time while eating her meal as well as swaying to the music. When it changed to a faster tempo, she began clapping along. The couple with her seemed a bit uncomfortable with the way she was acting, saying things such as, “Settle down now Mama, eat your food.” And, “Don’t clap so loud, just enjoy the music.”
Mama lived with us for a season after my Daddy passed away. During that time, dementia continually claimed more and more of her abilities. Her attention span was decreasing, and she would often tire or lose interest in activities she had previously enjoyed. A few things remained. Singing was her very favorite, but we couldn’t always do that. Mama’s second favorite activity was looking at pictures of smiling faces. One day, I came across an old church directory filled with photos of all the members. She loved it!