Great starts are easy, the goal is to finish well
Smiles speak a language that is almost universally understood. Smiles are one of the enduring forms of communication with someone who has dementia. When you smile, very good things happen. Smiles, especially combined with eye contact, convey kindness to the one you are smiling at. Even though Mama had a touch of glaucoma, she could still see faces. One of the best aspects of smiles is that they are contagious! When you see a smile, it is almost an automatic response to smile back.
My phone rang one day while I was eating lunch. Grabbing my phone, I saw an unfamiliar number but decided to answer anyway. Turns out it was a sales call. Annoyed, I resumed my lunch. It suddenly occurred to me that I had read an article in a publication sponsored by the California Bar Foundation that addresses unwanted phone calls. It lists various places you can call or visit online to remove your name and contact info from call lists. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I hadn’t followed through yet.
Not long ago, a friend of ours confided in us that his mother was facing dementia. Our friend is a very private person. We recognized the trust he placed in us, took it as an honor, and said we would include his mother and family in our prayers.
Recently, his mother passed away. Our friend sent us a letter his sister, Laura K, had written and shared at their mother’s memorial service. It was full of honesty and hope, and he invited us to share her story and insights. By sharing this story, we hope to honor not only one family’s journey but the countless others who walk similar paths.
Since ancient times, people have recognized the value of cleaning their teeth.
The ancient Egyptians even recorded practices of teeth cleaning. They created toothpaste using vinegar, crushed pumice stone, egg, and oyster shells. The Greeks and Romans continued the practice of using abrasive materials like crushed bones and shells as a way to clean their teeth. The Persians added gypsum, herbs, and honey to their mixtures. This was well before the toothbrush had even been invented. People used small twigs and bamboo to create their toothbrushes.
While having lunch and visiting with our friends at one of the senior centers we regularly attend, old Motown songs played in the background. I found myself singing along with Stevie Wonder’s hit from 1984, “I Just Called to Say I Love You”. It reminded me of the importance of connecting with our loved ones. As Valentine’s Day approaches, this song, with its simple message, serves as a lovely reminder to make contact with those we love, especially those living alone or in nursing homes.
Our caregiving journey began when Mama was in the early stages of dementia. My dad was still alive at that time, although he had his own struggles with Parkinson’s disease. Our parents lived in a little cottage in the country. Wayne and I, and my sister, Peggy took care of everything required to care for parents whose abilities were diminishing.
While caring for our Mama when she had dementia, it didn’t take too long to realize that sleeping through the night was becoming a faint memory. It was perfectly normal for Mama to get up a few times each night to use the restroom, and my husband and I took turns getting up with her to make sure she didn’t get lost in the process.
A bell hung on her door jangled each time it was opened to alert us. It wasn’t too loud, but Mama’s room was close enough to ours so one of us could hear it.
After a while, the lack of sleep began to take its toll on us. We discovered a small care home that would take in temporary clients so we could get a night or two of uninterrupted sleep and be ready to welcome Mama back. Our experience with respite care made a world of difference.
One day, when my doctor called to give me the results of a blood test, I was quite surprised to hear that my creatinine level was up. Since she knew I had been on a trip to an area with a hot and dry climate, she suggested that I could be dehydrated. I certainly didn’t feel dehydrated, but I agreed to up my water intake for two weeks and then retest. Two weeks later, she called to inform me that the creatinine level was back to normal. I was surprised at how quickly dehydration had occurred. She explained that whenever we change our routine because of travel or sickness, the healthy habits we built into our daily lives are disrupted and our systems can get out of balance.
As any caregiver knows or quickly learns, dementia is a tough disease. It wreaks havoc on the emotions of our loved ones and those who provide care. At times, a person with dementia may experience an unsettled sense of lostness. They might be aware that all is not right but not know how to fix it. These feelings can cause frustration, agitation, or even panic – usually later in the afternoon or early evening. Such emotions of unease are referred to as sundowning.
How do you connect with someone who is losing their ability to communicate? If you want to make positive connections with your loved one, understand there are definite Rules of Engagement. It turns out there is a bit of a learning curve when engaging someone with dementia.
I’ve addressed this subject before, but I believe it bears reiterating. When someone becomes non-verbal due to the progression of dementia, it doesn’t mean that they cannot understand our words, or ‘get’ our actions.
It’s important to remember that communication and connections made on an emotional level will remain throughout the dementia journey.