My brother Andy was born early – he was due in November, but was born October 26, 1965. We had just moved to Red Bluff and Mama always said that it was all the packing and unpacking that brought on those early labor pains. Andy was the youngest of four children and also the smallest child they had.
Even though he was little, he was quick and very curious about everything. Somehow when he was really little, he heard there was candy available at a new store (Shortstop) that had been built up the street and around the corner. He snuck out of the house and attempted to get to the store but was hit by a car. Thankfully, Joe Parker, a Highway Patrolman on his way home was right behind the car that hit Andy. Joe saved Andy’s life, got him breathing again and called for an ambulance. He was rushed up to Mercy Hospital where our Mama had worked prior to our move to Red Bluff. It took some time, but he gradually improved and eventually was released.
Even though Andy recovered from the accident, it marked him in such a way as to be his definition of who he was. (If he couldn’t do something, it was because of ‘The Accident’). That, however, was never able to dampen his curious and impulsive spirit which remained with him throughout his life – as well as his ability to do large math calculations in his head and retain an enormous amount of baseball stats – he loved stats.
Our family did quite a bit of traveling – which included camping. Somehow due to his curious nature, Andy usually managed to sneak off and get lost on a regular basis. These incidents were the origin of one of my earliest beliefs as a child – it was: “The way you know that you really love someone is that you miss them terribly when they are gone.”
His childhood years were typical, although as a sister, I thought that he was a bit spoiled. Andy was only eight years old when Wayne and I got married. We moved away and began living a new life separate from the day-to-day of the family life in Red Bluff. Life went on; Andy grew up, married, had a family and moved away as well.
Reconnecting with Andy
Our lives moved on and for a time we were connected by family but separated by distance and differences. We reconnected again when difficult circumstances and aging parents required more of our time.
When Andy returned to Red Bluff he was not at a good place in his head. He was angry with God as well as everyone else around. He felt as if he was a victim and the world owed him a great debt.
Wayne and I reconnected with him and began the process of loving, mentoring, and supporting him through the most difficult times of re-adjustment. In some ways, it was easy… Andy was fun to hang out with; he simply had issues. Wayne and Andy became best buds – they hung out all the time – going to movies, working on projects and discussing life issues. My job was usually to try to improve his housework habits.
Through our time together, Andy’s world steadily improved. Although Andy made progress on several fronts, ultimately, his turning point came after he finally embraced the truth that God was not his enemy. In fact, once he began to realize how much God loved him, his faith grew stronger. Andy became a better decision-maker in his daily life; he also became more social with a broader circle of people. His housing conditions became more stable as well.
Andy left this life the same as he entered it – too soon. My childhood belief still holds true: “The way you know that you really love someone is that you miss them terribly when they are gone.”
Though my heart is broken, the Lord gave me Isaiah 57:1&2 to help with the grief:
“The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death.”
We know that Andy had many struggles in life but over the past several years he experienced many victories and was in a good place – he finished well.