Great starts are easy, the goal is to finish well
How do you connect with someone who is losing their ability to communicate? If you want to make positive connections with your loved one, understand there are definite Rules of Engagement. It turns out there is a bit of a learning curve when engaging someone with dementia.
Keep in mind, non-verbal speech often speaks louder than spoken. Communication and connections made on an emotional level will remain throughout the dementia journey.
A couple of years ago, I wrote about some of the health benefits of walking in a post titled: “Reducing Dementia, One Benefit of Walking”. Of course, at the time, it was during COVID, and highlighted a way to be social during that season. That post was based on previous studies, but the results of a new study just published is the icing on the cake!
Five years ago when we first moved to Charlotte, we had to make so many changes – way more than simply our zip code. The list included new driver’s licenses, doctors, dentists, registering to vote, where to shop, and how to get to all these places. Over time, we have come to learn about our new city and can (usually) find wherever it is we need to go. Occasionally, we still rely on our phone apps to get us there.
Wayne and I recently met with a group of ladies who want to write a book. We were invited to attend the gathering by Venitra White-Dean, a lovely lady and founder of The Frankie Mae Foundation, a non-profit organization advocating for the caregiver as a whole person.
Each one attending realized they had a story to tell about their experience with caregiving. While everyone’s story shared similar elements, each was also unique. Their motto was, “We’re all singing the same song – just different verses.”
After caring for Mama throughout the last decade or so of her life while dementia relentlessly stole bits and pieces from both her abilities and memories, I am more committed than ever to do everything I can to strengthen my brain and hopefully prevent dementia from occurring in my own life. Of course, at the same time, I realize that there is an element of illness that is beyond anyone’s control. Regardless, I enjoy the healthy lifestyle that Wayne and I are pursuing and will continue it for as long as possible.
Now that the world has reawakened from its pandemic paralysis, families and friends are beginning to once again gather in person for get-togethers. Celebrations, memorials, and weddings are no longer being held virtually, or any other creative ways folks came up with to gather at a distance. Although the year 2022 began with yet another variant, the sounds of silence finally began to decrease, as the voices of joy slowly started to rise.
Finding Your Way
We had limited resources to help us when we first began our journey down the road of dementia with Mama. It was back in the early 2000s, and although the terms, dementia and Alzheimer’s were well known, the only books we could find at the time on the subject were medical journa
Back in 1952, Gene Kelly took the world by storm in the musical, “Singin’ in the Rain”. When Arthur Freed wrote the lyrics for that iconic song, I suspect that he must have spent some time in the Carolina’s where the rains are abundant in every season of the year – especially in the spring.
Back in 1969, the band, ‘Three Dog Night’ struck a resounding chord with their hit song, ‘One’ . The song begins, “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do”. It’s as true today as it was back then. The recent COVID pandemic with the culture that emerged from it has unfortunately created a lot of ‘Ones’ – a multitude of folks isolated from family and friends.
Mama’s blank expression assured me that she had no idea what I wanted her to do. The bunch of wisteria blossoms droop limply in her hand. I tried it again. Making an exaggerated motion of sniffing the flowers, I told her how lovely they smelled She gave me a confused look and a polite smile as she handed them back to me. I gave up. Temporarily! I desperately wanted her to enjoy the fragrant wisteria as she had in the past. Dementia stole that joy from her as well.
One of the saddest aspects of my Mama’s dementia was the realization that she had lost her sense of smell.