When we began caring for Mama, we weren’t sure what sort of activities would be best. There weren’t many resources available at the time, so we decided to see what would make her happy. We began by creating a space for her to be helpful in areas where she was still able to participate.
For example, Mama loved to fold towels. She had a specific way she wanted them folded (a trait that she passed on to me). I found that if I handed Mama a small load of warm towels from the dryer while she was sitting on the couch, she would begin folding them. It didn’t take too long before she had a nice stack of folded towels. Even after she lost the meaning of the words, “fold towels”, I could simply hand them to her, and her muscle memory would take over, and she would fold them.
Mama also enjoyed removing fuzzballs from sweaters. Full confession: I would regularly throw a load of clean, folded towels into the dryer along with an old sweater or two to ensure Mama had plenty of work to do. Sorting colored beads or construction paper into groups of like colors was another activity she enjoyed.
Purpose in Life
As a scientist, she loved bringing order to things. All these activities brought purpose to Mama’s life. It didn’t matter what it looked like in the big picture; what mattered most was how she felt about what she was doing. We always thanked and complimented her for whatever project she worked on, even if she didn’t finish it.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but when we were caring for Mama, she was my main purpose. Even though I was working and had other interests and activities, Mama was always at the top of the list. When Mama had to go to a care home following hip surgery, I suddenly felt a bit off. I was no longer watching the ‘Sound of Music’ over and over with Mama. There was no need for me to check her blood sugar levels, give her injections, pills, and eye drops.
It was a weird feeling. I had enjoyed watching the finches with her and bouncing the exercise ball back and forth. But, I must admit, it was nice to sleep through the night again. It didn’t take long, however, to transfer my focus to visiting Mama at the care home. We thought her stay was going to be temporary, but as it turned out, Mama never did come back home.
Finding our purpose
After Mama’s passing, we moved across the country to be closer to our grandchildren. It was wonderful, but there were lonely hours because we lived in a new place where we didn’t know many people besides family, a few neighbors, and folks at our church. At first, we had a lot of yard projects to keep us busy. Also, there is a YMCA not far from our home, so we joined. Since we had always wanted to become beekeepers, we got involved with beekeeping clubs. At one point, we met someone from a care-giving support organization called Frankie Mae Foundation, and she invited us to join them. We also began attending a Senior Center and got to know the folks there. One day, I realized that God had answered my prayer to give us friends. We also had activities and a sense of purpose.
Purpose must be meaningful to make a difference
Purpose is important. Or rather, a sense of meaningful purpose. A study published in “The American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry” concluded that even if someone is already experiencing dementia, engaging in meaningful activities can help slow the progression. That makes sense, because when someone has dementia, though they lose many abilities, they generally retain their emotions and feelings. What great news! In light of that information, I’m sure that enabling Mama to engage in the activities that she enjoyed helped to some degree.
A study conducted by Rush University Medical Center in Chicago found that having a strong sense that your life has meaning and direction may benefit your brain.
Lei Yu, PhD, study lead author and assistant professor of neurological sciences at the Rush Alzheimer’s Disease Center, says, “Purpose in life differs for everyone, and it is important to be thoughtful about what motivates you (such as volunteering, learning new things, or being part of the community) so you can engage in rewarding behaviors.”
Additional studies on Purpose in Life
According to a study conducted by UC Davis, a sense of purpose does not only benefit those already experiencing dementia, they found that the sense of purpose may also reduce your risk of dementia. The new study, published in The American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, followed over 13,000 adults aged 45 and older for up to 15 years. They concluded that people who reported a higher sense of purpose in life were about 28% less likely to develop any type of cognitive impairment, even after accounting for age, sex, education, depression, race/ethnicity, and APOE E4. Additionally, purpose-in-life was associated with a delayed onset of cognitive impairment.
A long-term study from the Rush Memory and Aging Project on two hundred forty-six community-focused older persons discovered, among other things, that even if someone has plaques and tangles present in their brain, the fact that they had a meaningful purpose in life reduced the debilitating effects.
Purpose in life brings benefits
The more I studied/researched the benefits that come from having a sense of purpose, the more I discovered that it may be beneficial for every aspect of our lives by enhancing emotions, resilience, and health outcomes, as well as increased coping mechanisms, which may help reduce stress levels.
This is not meant to discourage those who feel as if they are drifting a bit; rather, it is to encourage everyone to search for something that feels important to them. Remember, it only needs to feel meaningful to you – not to anyone else. What matters is that you are able to derive a sense of satisfaction and joy from the activity that provides you with the sense of purpose.
Find your purpose
Wayne and I are crazy list-makers; perhaps a good place to begin is to make a list. Write it out on scratch paper (not in concrete) as your purpose and goals may change over time. If you are a caregiver, your sense of purpose may revolve around your loved one.
Engaging in any activity or setting goals that are meaningful to you may give you both direction and motivation, making it a bit easier to navigate through difficult seasons.
Has your world been touched by dementia?
My book, “Finishing Well: Finding the Joy in Dementia“, is a collection of stories and tips about doing life with my Mama. May it encourage and inspire you to find joy on your own, unique journey.