Do you remember the old theme song from the TV show, Cheers written by Gary Portnoy and Judy Hart-Angelo? “…sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came. You want to be where you can see, troubles are all the same, you want to be where everybody knows your name.” The writers really hit on something – as the song immediately became an iconic sentiment for the universal desire to belong. There is something so wonderful about walking into a place and watching someone’s eyes light up with recognition and joy that you are there. On the other hand, there is something quite heart-wrenching about walking through your day virtually invisible and un-greeted by those around you.
The Loneliness Epidemic
My sister just sent me an article she read from UCSF Magazine. It was titled, “A Prescription for Loneliness”. The article explains, examines, and explores solutions for the ever-increasing ‘loneliness epidemic’ that was exposed and exacerbated by COVID-19.
The article highlights various UCSF geriatricians including Carla Perissinotto, MD, MHS, one of the first researchers to get a paper on loneliness accepted by a medical journal. Her landmark study, published in 2012 in the Archives of Internal Medicine (now JAMA Internal Medicine), found that loneliness predicts worsening disability and death in people over age 60.
It also provides a few examples of folks making a difference in the San Francisco area by living out this quote by Ashwin Kotwal, MD, MS, “When we start to recognize the value of human connection, we can make a huge difference in the quality of people’s lives”.
Loneliness can be a risk factor for dementia
A couple of years ago, I wrote a post about loneliness, “One, the Loneliest Number Raises Dementia Risk” The focus at the time was mostly, as the title says, on how it raises the risk of dementia. I didn’t consider how the feelings of loneliness can swirl around a person and wreak havoc in nearly every aspect of our mental and physical health.
The good news is, you don’t have to be living in San Francisco, (or Boston) to have a ‘Cheers experience’. We can develop community wherever we live.
Some ideas on how to find your tribe
Growing up, both my parents were Ham radio operators. When a Ham radio operator wants to initiate a conversation over the radio, they begin speaking the letters CQ (Charlie-Quebec) repeated three times. That term alerts anyone listening that someone wants to chat. When searching for the origins of the term ‘CQ’ I wasn’t able to find the definitive answer. However, a few places suggested that it is a pun for the term ‘seek you’. I like that. Calling ‘CQ’ is like a verb for ‘reaching out’.
Sometimes, that is what we need to do. Reaching out may feel risky but sometimes you gotta reach out – take a chance to create change. You just may find a group that shares your interests either in person or online.
My sister’s family provides a wonderful way to connect with others. It is called ‘Sunday Dinner’. It takes place at their home every Sunday afternoon. It is open to anyone who wants to come– to enjoy good food and have interesting conversations.
Churches often have age-specific groups that do various activities that could be worth exploring such as regular get-togethers and bible studies.
Senior Centers usually offer spaces to gather and eat, play games, or exercise. Get in touch with your local Area Agency on Aging for senior-specific programs and services available. If you lean towards the creative side, you could contact an Arts Council to learn about various artistic groups. For those who can get out and about, garden clubs or bird watching can be fun, social activities.
Working out regularly at a gym or similar facility could be a way to improve your health as well as meet others. Many libraries host book clubs, which would be a good place to get to know others with similar interests.
Consider Volunteering
Many folks turn to pets for companionship. Both cats and dogs can be loving and loyal companions. Dogs especially can provide an outlet for exercise and opportunities for social interaction by taking them for walks and to dog parks. My Mama had a large outdoor fish tank that gave her endless hours of enjoyment. Animal shelters are often seeking volunteers to help care for the animals entrusted to them.
Speaking of volunteering – it is an excellent way to get involved with others. Volunteering for organizations that might interest you could draw you into social circles of like minded folks. Museums and places of public interest are possibilities for finding ways to give back to your community. Find an agency or non-profit that supports a cause you believe in to see if there is any way you can help.
The online world has a number of possibilities for connecting
If you are a caregiver, there is an online group for you no matter where you live. An organization that I have mentioned before, Frankie Mae Foundation exists to help caregivers. They hold an online chat called ‘Talk about it Tuesday’ each week, and a ‘Caregiver Chat’ every other week. Click on this link to get connected. It’s a safe place. Venitra, the founder of the foundation says over and over, “What is said in Caregiver Chat stays in Caregiver Chat.”
And…don’t forget ‘snail mail’
An old-fashioned way to connect with folks is to put your thoughts, feelings, and sentiments in cards or letters. It is especially nice to send cards to those who are unable to get out and about. Many, many years ago, our family began receiving handmade cards from a dear older lady who attended my brother’s church. Our family loved them. If you don’t have anyone to write to , perhaps you can write an encouraging note in greeting cards and send them to a care home with instructions to pass them out to residents who don’t receive mail or visitors.
Become a friend to find a friend. It all begins with a smile.
Has your world been touched by dementia?
My book, “Finishing Well: Finding the Joy in Dementia“, is a collection of stories and tips about doing life with my Mama. May it encourage and inspire you to find joy on your own, unique journey.
Seek you—I love it!