Wayne and I recently met with a group of ladies who want to write a book. We were invited to attend the gathering by Venitra White-Dean, a lovely lady and founder of The Frankie Mae Foundation, a non-profit organization advocating for the caregiver as a whole person.
Each one attending realized they had a story to tell about their experience with caregiving. While everyone’s story shared similar elements, each was also unique. Their motto was, “We’re all singing the same song – just different verses.”
Are you a caregiver? Have you ever said to yourself, “maybe I should write a book”, or “am I the only one doing it this way?”, or “I need to remember…”. I think you should write a book.
Everyone has a story
I believe that every caregiver has a story that needs to be told – if not to anyone else, at least to yourself. That way when this season of caregiving is past, and it will not last forever, you can read over your story and remember. I guarantee you will reminisce with a mixture of joy and tears while reading about some of the significant events as well as the mundane minutes that comprised your actions of love and honor that occurred while caring for your loved one.
In order to remember the particulars of your story, begin by taking notes about daily experiences as well as your feelings and perspectives. Keeping notes may seem like a daunting task – it’s difficult to add one more thing to an already full schedule. The secret for success is to make notes as you go along. Carry a notebook and pen with you, but also become familiar with a voice recorder app on your phone.
Thoughts and ideas can be jotted down while you are waiting – in the doctor’s office, or the pharmacy, etc. If you want to remember something, and writing it down is inconvenient, simply talk into the voice recorder.
Note: If you are recording, keep in mind that your loved one may not like you talking into a recorder, or get mixed up and think you are talking to them. It may be best to record notes when you are alone.
Gather the memories
You will also need to think back to memories and anecdotes from when you began caring for your loved one. They don’t have to be in order, but if you can date it, or note the season or year, it will be a huge help later. Talk to others who know your loved one, especially friends and relatives.
When we were caring for my Mama, we learned a lot of things about taking care of someone with dementia. We had some victories while trying to overcome obstacles, as well as a few spectacular defeats. I noted several of these experiences in Mama’s book in hopes that others could learn from our successes and failures. Everyone is different; sharing how you dealt with situations or what you discovered will surely benefit others.
There is also evidence that writing about your experience is beneficial. According an article in the National Library of Medicine “Empirical studies have documented the effectiveness of written emotional expression in a wide range of populations, including students dealing with the stress of entering college as well as those coping with a variety of medical conditions…”
When you first begin compiling all your notes and thoughts together, don’t worry about getting the grammar and spelling just right. The important thing is to capture the moments that will become part of the story you are writing.
Give your story a title, a look and a goal
Also, consider giving your book a ‘Working Title’. You may change it many times, but it’s good to have a place to start. Having a title will also help your book to become more of a reality in your mind.
At some point, it might be fun to begin visualizing what you want the cover to look like. Yes, people do judge books by their cover, so take your time, look at other books and think about what you want your unspoken book to say.
Finally, consider your goal in writing your book. Your goal may be different from others. Perhaps you want to create a memoir for your family and future generations, a helpful guide for others, or simply as a way to help you process the experiences that you are going through. The important thing is to capture the memories now so that you will be able to make those decisions later when this season changes.
Has your world been touched by dementia?
My book, “FinishingWell: Finding Joy in Dementia”, is a collection of stories and tips about doing life with my Mama. May it encourage and inspire you to find joy on your own, unique journey. Find our group on Facebook
These are all such helpful tips for writing and recording. 🤓