A Lovely Thread in the Tapestry of Life

Now that the world has reawakened from its pandemic paralysis, families and friends are beginning to once again gather in person for get-togethers. Celebrations, memorials, and weddings are no longer being held virtually, or any other creative ways folks came up with to gather at a distance. Although the year 2022 began with yet another variant, the sounds of silence finally began to decrease, as the voices of joy slowly started to rise.

This seemed especially true with those who had not been able to say goodbye to loved ones in the customary ways. The heartbroken finally began to cautiously plan memorials and celebrations.

We are not unacquainted with loss

Wayne and I are also counted among those who experienced loss over the last few years. Losses that were not able to be memorialized in a customary way. Writing is one of the ways I process events in my life, so when we learned that a celebration of life was being planned for one of our dearest friends, I decided to dig up the post I had originally written when I learned our friend had passed back when the world first shut down, and thought this would be a good time to update and re-post…

Loss: another thread in the tapestry

(Originally posted April 2020)

As I began packing for our flight to California, I was thinking about why we were going; to attend the memorial of our dear friend Cindi. I am reminded that this is becoming all too familiar. Not the trip, but the reason for it. Loss. After a certain age, the expectation that we will encounter loss becomes more likely. Not that it can’t happen to anyone of any age.

My experience has been, loss is becoming a more recognizable part of the landscape along the way. We can’t escape it. It is part of humanity; every person in our life carries the risk of loss. The risk is worth it though – how joyless and lonely would we be if we shunned companionship to shield ourselves from the sadness connected to losing someone.

I first met Cindi at Bidwell (Junior High School). The math suggests that we were friends for an awfully long time. Along the way, we shared so many adventures together. Our memories included lots of laughing and a bit of crying. From attending Camp Noel Porter to Armory Dances and football games, to being Blue Bird leaders together and watching our kids grow up and begin their own adventures. Cindi even lived with us during a part of the time we were caring for my Mama (who had dementia). Her kindness and companionship played a role in helping Mama to finish well.

Why?

Each loss carries with it the struggle to understand why. Why at this time? Why in this way? The answers to those questions are likely not available to us on this side of heaven. I particularly struggled with this question when my oldest brother died in a car accident only 8 months after my youngest brother died in a motorcycle accident. He was so young. He was a wonderful husband, father, and grandpa – as well as brother. It wasn’t until one day that I came across a verse in Acts 13 that said, “David served God’s purpose in his generation, and then he died” (paraphrased). At that moment, I realized this verse described my brother as well. Even though I didn’t know the whys, I could trust the Who.

I choose to take this same understanding for Cindi. Even though she was only in her early 60s, as a daughter, mother, grandma, sister, and friend she was able to make her mark on this world and those around her. Her life was bursting with kindness and self-sacrifice. She gave of herself in ways that few were aware of. Soft-spoken – yet determined, she would persist until she achieved whatever goal was in her sights. She was an inspiration to me.

Finally gathering to remember

Now that we are finally able to gather for Cindi’s Celebration of Life, surely an element of sadness will be present, but I’m confident that joy will be attending as well. I have for the last two years anticipated a gathering together with a multitude of family and friends who will each come with their own story of Cindi’s kindness as we share favorite stories and memories

I will miss Cindi, but I am so glad that she is at peace and free from her physical pains and limitations.  Even though we moved to the East coast a few years ago, we were able to keep in touch. From the day we met, no matter where we were, we wove in and out of each other’s lives as time went on – creating a beautiful tapestry of friendship.

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Has your world been touched by dementia?

My book, “FinishingWell: Finding Joy in Dementia”, is a collection of stories and tips about doing life with my Mama.  May it encourage and inspire you to find joy on your own, unique journey. Find our group on Facebook