Listening is essential. Your loved one may be trying to tell you something. It is important to listen.
The initial awareness of dementia brings to mind several concerns and fears both spoken and unspoken. Some are deep-seated and unconscious and others are at the surface. Not everyone is comfortable voicing their worries. Body language speaks volumes. As soon as you become aware of an issue, listen purposefully for both the verbal and non-verbal messages.
When my Mama was at the beginning of her journey through dementia, she was able to talk. Even then, her thoughts and ideas were distorted by what we referred to as her “loop”. It was a statement that she grabbed onto and repeated over and over with increasing frequency as time went on. The “loop” eventually pushed out any other form of conversation.
Later, she began living in a world that was rather disconnected to reality. She would speak, but it wasn’t in a conversation manner – it was more like a series of statements that didn’t flow with the rest of the conversation. The loop was gone, but it was as if her words came from some automatic speech response area of her brain. For example, if you asked her how she was, she would reply, “I’m fine.” even when she clearly wasn’t. Or, if she was asked a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question, she would reply, “Oh yes” the majority of the time.
As time when on, and her speech became even more limited, I relied on observations. Indicators such as wide swings in her blood sugar levels told me she wasn’t feeling well even when there was no fever.
Sudden agitation was also often an indicator of pain. If she said something over and over that didn’t make sense, and there wasn’t anything obviously wrong, I would try offering her a drink of water or a snack.
Now that Mama is nearing the end of her earthly journey. She now communicates with me with her eyes. They look at me when I smile and fill with tears when I sing.
At some point, your loved one’s ability to express thoughts and feelings with words may no longer be an option. Thankfully, words are not the only form of communication.
I believe there is an enduring willingness for our loved ones to communicate. Dementia creates a barrier to getting the message out.
Somewhere deep inside there seems to be a part that is aware, on some level what is going on around them. Listen. What do you see?
What non-verbal statements have you heard?
Has your world been touched by dementia?
My book, “Finishing Well: Finding the Joy in Dementia“, is a collection of stories and tips about doing life with my Mama. May it encourage and inspire you to find joy on your own, unique journey.