Today, my Mama is 84 and 1/3. It got me thinking about birthdays and how many she has had. The carehome where she resides holds a birthday party each month for all of the residents who have had a birthday in that month.
Everyone loves it. The festivity always includes music, cake, party hats and of course singing “Happy Birthday”. Only a handful of folks in the room know what day of the week it is, let alone when it’s their birthday. That however, does not stop anyone from having a wonderful time.
I realized, that the elements that go along with a birthday celebration have got to be one of the most repeated, and therefore ingrained aspects of our culture.
Many studies as well as our own experiences have shown that heart songs (such as “Happy Birthday”) live in a place other than the part of our brain we use for general memories. How else could it be explained that my Mama, who hasn’t recognized me for years, can’t remember anything about her life or even the previous three minutes could still sing songs with me from her younger life. Even when she was unable to speak, there were days I could pull one of her ‘heart songs’ out of her – at those times we would live in the moment.
The songs we sung were the ones we knew from her childhood and teenage years. If any qualifies for a life or heart song, “Happy Birthday” would certainly make the list.
I have decided not to wait for Mama’s next birthday to sing to her. Since she is in the final stages of dementia, the Happy Birthday song alone will have to do for her.
But may I suggest that if there is any possibility of your loved one wearing a party hat, eating birthday cake (even if it’s angel food), and blowing out a candle accompanied with a hearty round of “Happy Birthday to you…..”. Give it a try.
Why wait? Have a party as often as you’d like—your loved one won’t realize the repetition, and really, you never know how many birthdays are left.
Has your world been touched by dementia?
My book, “Finishing Well: Finding the Joy in Dementia“, is a collection of stories and tips about doing life with my Mama. May it encourage and inspire you to find joy on your own, unique journey.