Great starts are easy, the goal is to finish well
While having lunch and visiting with our friends at one of the senior centers we regularly attend, old Motown songs played in the background. I found myself singing along with Stevie Wonder’s hit from 1984, “I Just Called to Say I Love You”. It reminded me of the importance of connecting with our loved ones. As Valentine’s Day approaches, this song, with its simple message, serves as a lovely reminder to make contact with those we love, especially those living alone or in nursing homes.
I got my love for reading from my Mama. She was an avid reader. Her love of a good mystery influenced my own reading habits. I read all her Agatha Christie and Rex Stout paperbacks, and she borrowed all my alphabet and cat mysteries. We also shared a love for Erle Stanley Gardner’s Perry Mason.
When it comes to reading, this is a great time of the year. The holiday season is over, and the weather keeps us inside more. These factors give us the perfect excuse to enjoy more guilt-free periods of curling up with a new or favorite book.
Our caregiving journey began when Mama was in the early stages of dementia. My dad was still alive at that time, although he had his own struggles with Parkinson’s disease. Our parents lived in a little cottage in the country. Wayne and I, and my sister, Peggy took care of everything required to care for parents whose abilities were diminishing.
Are you a coffee or tea drinker? The refreshing aroma of coffee is one of my favorite childhood memories – and one I still enjoy to this day. My Mama was raised in a community of Finnish friends and relatives. Among the various aspects of Finnish culture that Mama enjoyed was the love of drinking coffee. I take after her in that way. I also love tea. Over the years, I have heard that coffee and tea are both very good for you, often followed by a contradictory article declaring they are very bad for you. I have followed the back-and-forth declarations. While some may say that the jury is still out, I continue to enjoy coffee in the morning (it used to be all day until I began to experience ‘wakefulness’ at night), and tea in the evening. My favorite blend is decaf Earl Grey and Chamomile.
When I was a little girl, I took ballet classes. I don’t remember much about it except that I liked my pink tights, black leotards, and pink ballet shoes. I remember having a vague idea that at some point I would be switching out my ballet flats for the pretty pointe shoes. It soon became evident that my talents might lie elsewhere, so after a year or two, I stopped attending. Truthfully, I enjoyed ballet – just not the discipline it took to practice. I tried taking classes again when I was a tween-ager. Those didn’t last too long either. Many, many years later, someone offered what my friends and I light-heartedly referred to as the Old ladies ballet. It was truly a ton of fun. The class only lasted one season, but during that time, we learned a dance and enjoyed performing in front of our family and friends.
One of the reasons I truly enjoy being retired is that we have so many Senior Centers in our area where we can socialize, as well as enjoy all the various activities each one offers. One of our favorite places holds a Bingo game every Friday. Now to be clear, this is not high stakes gambling. In fact, there is no cost to join in the fun, and the prizes are thoughtful items that a senior citizen might appreciate such as dish soap, hand soap, cleaning products, and paper towels. Though they may not be of great value, everyone who wins is happy to take home a box of tissues or a pretty bottle of soap.
While caring for our Mama when she had dementia, it didn’t take too long to realize that sleeping through the night was becoming a faint memory. It was perfectly normal for Mama to get up a few times each night to use the restroom, and my husband and I took turns getting up with her to make sure she didn’t get lost in the process.
A bell hung on her door jangled each time it was opened to alert us. It wasn’t too loud, but Mama’s room was close enough to ours so one of us could hear it.
After a while, the lack of sleep began to take its toll on us. We discovered a small care home that would take in temporary clients so we could get a night or two of uninterrupted sleep and be ready to welcome Mama back. Our experience with respite care made a world of difference.
One day, when my doctor called to give me the results of a blood test, I was quite surprised to hear that my creatinine level was up. Since she knew I had been on a trip to an area with a hot and dry climate, she suggested that I could be dehydrated. I certainly didn’t feel dehydrated, but I agreed to up my water intake for two weeks and then retest. Two weeks later, she called to inform me that the creatinine level was back to normal. I was surprised at how quickly dehydration had occurred. She explained that whenever we change our routine because of travel or sickness, the healthy habits we built into our daily lives are disrupted and our systems can get out of balance.
As any caregiver knows or quickly learns, dementia is a tough disease. It wreaks havoc on the emotions of our loved ones and those who provide care. At times, a person with dementia may experience an unsettled sense of lostness. They might be aware that all is not right but not know how to fix it. These feelings can cause frustration, agitation, or even panic – usually later in the afternoon or early evening. Such emotions of unease are referred to as sundowning.
How do you connect with someone who is losing their ability to communicate? If you want to make positive connections with your loved one, understand there are definite Rules of Engagement. It turns out there is a bit of a learning curve when engaging someone with dementia.
I’ve addressed this subject before, but I believe it bears reiterating. When someone becomes non-verbal due to the progression of dementia, it doesn’t mean that they cannot understand our words, or ‘get’ our actions.
It’s important to remember that communication and connections made on an emotional level will remain throughout the dementia journey.